


Born Naked

by heyjupiter



Category: X-23 (Comic), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Drag Queens, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-10 01:05:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3271043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyjupiter/pseuds/heyjupiter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jubilee suggests a night on the town with Gambit and Wolverine before Laura leaves for Avengers Academy, she thinks a drag bar's Super Saturday will be fun for all of them. The evening's entertainment inspires a conversation about the purpose of superhero costumes, complaints about the music the kids are listening to these days, and an admiration for a Wolverine drag king's commitment to his hairstyle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Born Naked

**Author's Note:**

> This is set just after the end of the X-23 solo comic, but I think that if you haven't read that, you could still read this story. All you would need to know is that Gambit, X-23, Wolverine, and Jubilee had been traveling together for awhile, but Laura has recently decided to attend Avengers Academy.
> 
> A note about pronouns--my understanding is that most (but not all) drag queens prefer "she" when in drag and "he" when out of drag, and vice versa for drag kings. However, within the story, some characters get mixed up about that. 
> 
> Thanks to likeadeuce for beta reading and consulting with me about which songs each drag superhero should perform.

  
_You're born naked and the rest is drag_   
\--RuPaul

* * *

Remy hailed a cab and slid into the passenger seat. He was the tallest, the one who knew the address of their destination, and, in his opinion, the one most likely to speak pleasantly to the driver. Laura, Jubilee, and Logan piled into the back.

"Hey, where're we goin'?" Logan asked. "I thought we were just going out for a drink." 

"We are," Remy replied. "Jubilee picked a place. It's a little far to walk."

"Okay," Logan said. "So where are we going?"

"It's a surprise!" Jubilee said. "Don't worry. You're dressed just fine."

"I do not think Logan was actually concerned about the suitability of his wardrobe. But now I am, a little," Laura said.

"X, you look hot. Like always." Jubilee hesitated, then added, "But this place is totally different from where we went last weekend, I promise."

"That is good to hear."

Logan sighed and leaned his head against the window.

"Cheer up, mon ami. It'll be fun. A nice send-off for Laura."

"You and I have very different definitions of fun."

Remy grinned and said, "Not so different, I don't think. I'll buy you a beer." Logan made a sound of vague assent.

They spent the rest of the cab ride in silence of various levels of broodiness. When they arrived at their destination, Remy paid the driver well and stepped out of the cab. He watched carefully to make sure Logan didn't try to escape. There was a line waiting outside, but the bouncer looked at their group and waved them in. Not before Logan had a chance to read the sign on the door, though. 

"Super Saturdays?" he hissed. "What the hell is this?"

"Relax," Remy said, grabbing Logan's arm and pulling him inside. The night was still early, and he charmed his way into a table with a good view of the stage. On it, a drag queen with a convincing light show was lip syncing to Dazzler's hit "Nite Lite." 

"Oh man, this is so great," Jubilee said.

"I do not understand what is happening," Laura said.

"I'm gonna need a beer _right now_ if I'm s'posed to listen to this music all night," Logan said. 

Remy complied. He came back to the table with two beers for Logan, an appletini for himself, and a Shirley Temple for Laura, which was both a joke and something he thought she'd genuinely enjoy. Laura liked sweet things, when she thought she deserved them. (She liked spicy things too, but Remy didn't trust the bartender here _that_ far.)

While he distributed the drinks, Jubilee sipped discreetly from a flask she'd brought and continued explaining the concept of their evening's entertainment to Laura and Logan. The music was loud, but the three of them had enhanced hearing, and Remy could read lips pretty well. 

Jubilee continued, "--just like, for fun. Kind of a different way to express yourself. Like, remember what we talked about in Paris? How the clothes you wear are part of your voice?" Remy quirked his lips at the memory. It had been a pleasant interlude before trouble had found them once again.

"I remember. I decided that little white dresses are not my preferred way to express myself."

"Right! Okay, so, for these guys, it's like… they don't wear this stuff all the time, but then they go on stage and get to be someone else for awhile."

"But they do not possess superhuman abilities?"

"I dunno, maybe some of them do. If you ask me, wearing heels like that is a mutant power."

"And none of them actually sing?"

"No, they just lip sync to songs. And dance. It's for fun!"

"Are they making fun of us?" Wolverine asked. His tone implied that he didn't care if they were, he just wanted to know one way or the other.

Jubilee considered for a moment before replying, "No, I really don't think so. It's more like… a tribute. Like a lot of drag queens do Cher and Madonna and stuff. These ones do superheroes! It's not all mutants either, like last time, I saw a really hot Invisible Woman. See, look, here comes Spider-Woman."

Sure enough, a figure clad in red spandex came out and began a very acrobatic performance of No Doubt's "Spiderwebs."

"That costume does not look very practical," Laura observed.

"No, but it's just like… fun. I dunno, haven't you seen RuPaul's Drag Race? No, of course not, forget I asked, but you should totally watch it sometime. It's like Project Runway combined with America's Next Top Model. But better."

"I will take your word for it," Laura said.

"I'll send you the DVDs. I'm sure you'll have some free time at Avengers Academy."

"That seems likely."

"Man, she is _really_ flexible," Remy observed. In response to the look Jubilee gave him, he said, "Hey, I appreciate the craft."

Logan said, "Where's her dick?"

Remy laughed, and Logan said, "I'm serious, that costume leaves nothing to the imagination. If she's a man…"

Jubilee said, "She could be trans. Or it's just, you know, tucked up in there real good." She made a vague hand gesture.

"I withdraw my question," Logan said.

Spider-Woman finished her act, and the emcee came out and said, "Give it up again for our own Spider-Woman, Ariana Van Damme! And now we've got something special for the ladies… one of our favorite kings, Butch Sundance, is here to unleash his wild side." 

The strains of Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" came over the speakers, and a short, buff drag king in yellow and blue Spandex prowled across the stage, grabbing his crotch and aggressively lip syncing.

"Mon dieu," Remy whispered. 

"He got your hair _just right_ ," Jubilee said. Her eyes were wide and her smile was as big as Remy had ever seen it. "This is the best thing I've ever seen in my life."

"This is… uncomfortable," Laura said.

"Yes it is," Logan agreed.

Remy looked at Laura. "Do you want to step outside for a minute?" He'd known where they were doing, but it hadn't occurred to him that there would be somebody dressed like Wolverine there. He could understand how seeing somebody impersonate a sexy version of your clone/father figure would be upsetting.

She considered. "I think that you would want to accompany me, but I think that _you_ would prefer to keep watching this performance. I think you are amused by it."

Remy smiled. "Friendship means I'm willing to make sacrifices for you, petite."

"Then let it go both ways," Laura said. She sipped her drink and looked down at the table. Remy reached over and squeezed her hand.

"I'm going to go tip him," Jubilee announced.

"Me too," Remy said. He figured he'd let Logan and Laura have a moment to themselves. And besides, he felt this drag king's effort deserved to be rewarded. Remy followed Jubilee up to the stage, where a small line of people all along the gender spectrum were holding out dollars. 

Drag Wolverine came up to Remy and smiled. He leaned in so Remy could admire his artful stubble and smell his pleasantly rugged cologne, slowly slid the dollar out of Remy's fingers, and whispered "Nice contacts." Remy winked and went back to sit down.

"Drag Wolverine was super into you," Jubilee said.

"I'm pretty sure she's a lesbian," Remy said.

"She might like guys too. She liked _you_ , anyway," Jubilee said.

"Ah, well, who doesn't?" Remy asked.

Logan snorted. "I'm getting another beer," he announced. He didn't ask whether anyone else wanted anything, but when he returned, he passed a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon to Remy.

"Wow, thanks," Remy said.

"Who knew Wolvie was such a hipster?" Jubilee asked.

Remy laughed. "She's right! Look at you, Logan, you lived long enough to become a trendsetter."

"I dunno what you're talking about."

"Look at all these guys here, with their flannel shirts and beards and cheap beer," Jubilee said.

"It is true," Laura said, looking around.

"But nobody wears it quite like you, of course," Remy said. "Can't beat the original."

Drag Wolverine finished his song and was followed by a drag version of Emma Frost, who lip-synced to Madonna's "Frozen" and gave Remy some thoughts he wouldn't be able to un-think.

"It looks like she uses the diamond skin cream from Arrested Development," Jubilee said, admiringly. " _A million fucking diamonds_."

"I think she's wearing Emma's actual clothing," Logan said.

Laura asked, "What is the point of superhero uniforms?"

"Panache," Remy said immediately. "And extra pockets."

"Hides our identities," Logan said. "In theory, anyway."

Laura thought for a moment and said, "But Logan, Jubilee is correct. You always wear the same type of clothing. Would it not be just as practical for you to fight in jeans and a flannel shirt? And more comfortable, I would imagine."

"I think it's like, the same as this," Jubilee said, waving her hand toward the stage. "It separates out the difference between Wolverine and Logan. Just like how there's a difference between Mary Meow onstage and then whoever she is out of drag, even though they're like, the same person."

"I see. So I am different when I wear black pants with an X on the belt?"

"I guess. If you feel that way," Jubilee shrugged. "I guess it's probably different for everybody."

"What do you think they wear at the Avengers Academy?"

"You wear whatever you want, Laura," Logan instructed her. Remy bit back a sigh. Logan didn't realize that the problem was that Laura didn't _know_ what she wanted to wear. Remy supposed it must be hard for a man as self-assured as Logan to understand that kind of problem, and he wondered if that was what drew teenage girls to him for guidance so frequently.

"You'll figure it out," Remy said. "Maybe you and Natasha can share black leather outfits with each other."

"Speaking of black leather, this Storm is _killing it_ ," Jubilee said.

"It seems a little on the nose for her to be doing 'It's Raining Men,' though," Remy said.

"I need… more beer than this," Logan said, looking at the stage quickly, then heading for the bar.

By the time he got back, Drag Storm had finished her song, and the emcee was announcing the next performer. "Who doesn't love a bad boy? Our next queen is someone who's always dressed to kill… please welcome Trina LaBeija, our very own Dragneto!"

The four of them stared at the stage, unable to speak for a long moment as they took in the vision of a beautiful drag queen in a shoulder-length white wig. She was essentially wearing red lingerie and a purple cape. Her blood-red lips perfectly synced to Rihanna singing, " _I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it_."

"I think this is in poor taste," Laura said. "I do not understand why people are clapping. Magneto is a killer."

"I guess it's just…" Remy said, and trailed off. "I dunno. Kind of abstract for these guys, like dressing up as Darth Vader for Halloween or something."

"Or maybe… maybe it's a way to take something you're afraid of and turn it on its head?" Jubilee said. "Like sparkly vampires."

"Y'know, during World War II, they used to have Captain America go around and do these little shows with chorus girls and everything, and at the end, he'd always punch out a guy dressed like Hitler," Logan said. "Maybe it's like that?"

"I don't think anybody's gonna punch out sexy Magneto," Remy said. "Kinda looks like the opposite." Dragneto was writhing and accepting tips from several admirers. She was clearly a fan favorite.

"Well, maybe it's like, a lot of people here feel like outsiders, and something about Magneto is relatable?" Jubilee suggested.

"Maybe it's just that people are weird," Logan said with a shrug. They all agreed on that. Finally, Dragneto left the stage, her cape dramatically swishing behind her. She was replaced by an encore from the drag Dazzler, and then the evening's show was over. A DJ took over and most people hit the dance floor. The four of them stayed at their table.

"Well? What's next?" Remy asked.

"Let's get out of here," Logan said.

Jubilee pouted. "I love this song! Let's just dance a _little_ bit before we go. Laura, c'mon," she said. She took Laura's hand without waiting for an answer, and they disappeared into the crowd.

"Well, that was something, eh?" Remy asked.

"Something, alright. Hey, how come there wasn't a drag _you_?"

"Well, who could ever top this?" Remy replied, gesturing at his face. "'Sides, _I'm_ not the one going out lookin' like a tropical fish all the time, now, am I?" 

"You wear hot pink body armor."

"And it really brings out my eyes, non?"

Logan laughed, a little. Remy honestly felt that his joke had deserved more of a laugh than it had received. But then Logan said, "Do you think Laura's gonna be… okay?"

"Oui, I do. Of course I do. I think the Avengers Academy could be a good place for her… a new start. We all deserve one of those once in awhile, non?"

Logan gave him a long look and said, "Yeah."

Remy thought Logan might have said more, but then Jubilee and Laura rejoined them. "Let's go," Jubilee said.

"Back so soon? Everything okay, petite?" Remy asked.

She shrugged. "Yeah, it's just… really crowded now. And my song's over."

"I enjoyed that song as well," Laura said.

"I'll send you the album, if you want," Jubilee offered, as they made their way across the dance floor and outside.

"What was the song?" Remy asked. He'd been too focused on his conversation with Logan to have noticed.

"Fall Out Boy, Thanks for the Memories. Except they spell it without any vowels. Just FYI, if you were going to look for it later."

"I swear to God, every time you talk about a band you like, I get ten years older," Logan grumbled. 

"No way, I keep you young, old man," Jubilee said.

Remy watched Laura watch them banter. She didn't look sad, but then, she could be hard to read. "Next time you're in New York, you let me know," he told her. "We can come back here and get some ideas for your new costume."

She gave him a small smile. "I think I would prefer to go shopping with Jubilee."

"Ouch," he said, smiling back to show he wasn't really offended.

"But thank you for the offer."

"Any time, chere. Any time."

Logan hailed a cab and took the front seat. Remy piled into the back with the girls.

"Thanks for coming, guys," Jubilee said. "I… I needed a fun night."

"Thank you for inviting me," Laura said.

"Well, it wouldn't have been fun without you," Jubilee said. "Oh, and I almost forgot. Remy--the Wolverine drag king gave me their number to give you. I guess their real name is Kennedy?"

"What?"

Jubilee pulled a cocktail napkin out of her pocket and handed it over. "Yeah, they found me on the dancefloor and I guess they remembered me being with you?"

Remy looked at the napkin before tucking it into one of his coat pockets. "How about that?"

"I _told_ you he liked you," Jubilee said smugly.

"That you did, petite. That you did."

"Are you going to call them?" Laura asked.

"Ah, now, why would I do a thing like that, when I've got the real thing right here?" Remy asked. 

"Cuz the fake one smells way better than the real one?" Jubilee suggested.

"Hilarious," Logan said.

When they parted ways for the night, Remy and Logan both reminded Laura to call them if she needed anything at Avengers Academy. She said, "Yes, I will do that," and Remy thought maybe she meant it. He hoped so.

After the girls went to the apartment where they were staying, Remy turned to Logan and asked, "Hey, you want to get something to eat?"

"Sure."

"I figured. You looked… hungry like the wolf."

"I hate you so much."

Remy grinned and said, "If that's the case, maybe I should just call Butch Sundance."

Logan ignored him and continued, plaintively, "Wolves and wolverines aren't even the same."

Lightly, Remy said, "It's a cruel, bewildering world, Logan. Let's get pizza."

"That's the most sensible thing you've said all night."


End file.
